The loneliness of pregnancy loss

“In many ways we are all lonely. Deep inside all of us exists a well of emptiness, which can be filled only with the love and friendship of those encountered on our journey through life and beyond.”

This is the first sentence from an article on the link between loneliness and depression, written by Dr H. Barry and published in the Irish Times  last month. The article is not about pregnancy loss, but I think parts of it are very relevant to the sense of loneliness and isolation that can happen to those of us who experience miscarriage.

“Life can be very cruel to some – with tragedy, loss, bullying, relationship breakdowns and broken dreams confining them to mere spectators – enviously observing those more fortunate, surrounded by love, affection and acceptance.

For those going through a bout of depression, loneliness can present in a different but equally destructive manner. When we are very down, our thinking can become so negative that we may find ourselves feeling totally isolated and lonely. We become worthless; of no value to ourselves or others; not worth talking to; a burden on those closest to us; walled off in a world of pain and emptiness. Because they find it so hard to communicate the way they feel, many with depression feel isolated from even those closest to them – a particularly distressing state for both.”

Dr Barry concludes with a powerful question – “If all of us realised our immense capacity to transform the lives of others with a kind word and open heart and were prepared to do so – how many lives could be transformed?”

As I feel myself start to emerge from the depression, loneliness and sense of isolation which engulfed me following my miscarriage, I reflect back on those kind words and open hearts which I encountered through the comments on this blog. Your words truly helped dissolve the wall of loneliness and despair that surrounded me.

For those who may be reading this and find themselves living in the isolated world of pain and loss for whatever reason, who may be  longing for somebody to break the wall of silence and pain, for we know that miscarriage is a hidden grief, my message is simple – you are not alone.  There are many out there who understand what you are going through. Apart from profesional organisations and therapists, the empathy, advice and support you will find on many discussion forums and blogs can help you through this period of sadness and loss.  My wish for you, is that you find the friendship, support and love to carry you through which you deserve during this difficult time.

Related Posts:

Miscarriage – the hidden grief

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