Talking to family and friends

Being able to blog on the subject of our fertility challenges has been such a relief to me, mainly because in the “real world”, I don’t discuss this issue with many people. I have had a conversation with one or two friends, but I haven’t done much talking with them, as I am always left with the impression that they just don’t know what to say. Either that, or I feel they are thinking will she ever just shut up! I do shut up pretty quick when I see that glazed look come into their eyes. Some family and  friends will offer platitudes like relax, take a long holiday, stop trying and it will happen, which, although they are doing their best, really don’t help at all. Or have you considered trying……?? Yes, believe me I’ve considered that! Also I have investigated and tried the best nutritional advice, I know all about timed intercourse, ovulation, fertility signs. I have read all there is to know on the subject – there is nothing new you can tell me.

People who have no idea of our fertility challenges or my history of cancer just assume our age and lifestyle is the reason we don’t have children. To the outside world we seem to be the typical couple who married later in life, have careers, nice house, holidays abroad each year, sure why would they want children at all?! The worst one of all is those who try to be helpful by pointing out the great life you already have and how children would only interfere with that. Yes, I do have a great life for which I am very, very grateful, but without our own child to share it with, there is still a great big empty aching child-shaped space in that life. So I have been told I am better off without children, and also I am not meant to have children and that’s God’s will for us, or our cross to bear.

Mostly though, friends and family don’t ask. And that makes me sad. It makes me feel more lonely, which is why I come back to the blog and find that venting my pain and loss here and finding support online has helped me more than friends and family have been able to.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. iamstacey
    Aug 11, 2009 @ 21:29:56

    Most advice like that just rolls right over me. Except for “just relax” and “you can have some of mine (kids).” I really hate those.

    Reply

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