Some pregnancy fears allayed

I am still having terrible nightmares and each morning as I recount them to my long suffering husband, I pester him for an interpretation. His interpretation invariably ends with “and deep down you are afraid to get pregnant!”

Now I don’t know if there is a psychological component to getting pregnant. Can you block conception in some psychological way? However, what I do know is that my fears are based on a fear of a cancer recurrence.

I have mentioned here before that the effect of chemotherapy on my fertility was the most devastating aspect of being diagnosed with breast cancer. For some women, the result is permanent infertility, others, like me, have complicated fertility issues post treatment. One of my chemo buddys did get pregnant post treatment with the help of IVF, but tragically developed a recurrence while pregnant. This brings up a lot of fears for me. If a miracle were to happen and I conceived again, would this increase my own chances of recurrence? There is not enough statistical evidence as yet to answer this question satisfactorily. However, the latest research does show that pregnant women who develop breast cancer do not have worse odds of death or of cancer returning than other young breast cancer patients.

The study is one of the largest to look at whether breast cancer hits pregnant and recently pregnant women harder than other women. It contradicts some smaller, earlier studies that suggested maternity made things worse.

“If we can get them early, we can treat them aggressively and have good and promising outcomes for both woman and child,” said the study’s lead author, Dr. Beth Beadle of the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center.

Frightening for any woman, a breast cancer diagnosis is particularly terrifying for a pregnant woman. It presents complicated decisions about how to treat the mother and not harm the fetus.

I realise that this post is not relevant to the majority of you, but if anyone is interested in reading more on this study, please click here.

I am hoping that this latest research will go someway towards calming my deep seated fears around pregnancy and the nightmares might lessen.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. budi
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 14:09:44

    oh you poor thing – that is a big psychological weight to carry around – i think your husband’s interpretation may be right


  2. ciara
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 14:10:12

    try to take hope from the article and not let your fears affect your chances of conceiving – good luck!


  3. debbi
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 14:10:33

    i really feel for you – that is a lot to deal with on top of infertility


  4. Lorna
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 20:18:04

    Talk about a vicious circle, you are desperate to get pregnant yet terrified of becoming pregnant too. I went for a Psych K session a few months ago as I felt that fear of miscarrying was preventing me becoming pregnant and yes, my subconscious was indeed so. I hope you can stay positive and trust that the cancer won’t reoccur and you will live till you are in your nineties surrounded by loads of grandchildren. I understand your fears and hope that staying informed and reading research helps you.
    While I can understand you staying in contact with other cancer survivors, I can imagine that if you hear that one of them has a reoccurance, that you feel it is likely to happen to you too – but that isn’t nec the case. I rarely read infertility forums for example, as I find that reading about women having multiple (was going to say orgasms there – ooops!!!) miscarriages, makes me feel as if I will also have half a dozen miscarriages before I have another baby but of course, that isn’t nec the case.

    Stay strong. I think the nightmares are probably normal, it’s prob a sign your subsconsious is screaming to be heard.
    interestingly, Paula (mabel and violet) had heard they had geopathic stress where she lives (and they have noticed a dip in their energy levels in the last year since they moved in) Maybe contact her, as she had a touch of the C too. I think she left a comment on one of your blogs.


  5. Lorna
    Sep 23, 2009 @ 20:19:45

    PS and i believe you can def block pregnancy in a psychological way – 4 of my 5 pregnancies happened when I genuinely relaxed, when I wasn’t really expecting to get preg that month cos something else was going on and heyho. Makes it very hard to relax naturally though


  6. katie
    Sep 24, 2009 @ 09:00:52

    To be diagnosed with cancer is hard enough but to have to deal with infertility as a consequence is a double whammy – i am going through the same thing right now and it is devastating for me


  7. Trackback: On dreams…. « Diary of a Miracle

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