So today is my birthday and in the midst of my celebrations, (and there is lots to celebrate I know)…I have crept back online to this blog…. to allow myself a few tears. This is the only place I can safely let them fall….
Those of you who have watched another birthday go by, un-pregnant (is that a word? if not, I’ve just made a new one up!) know how I feel.
Those of you who have passed or are approaching the 40 mark, un-pregnant, certainly know how I feel.
(Shh! I am whispering very quietly here…for today is my 41st birthday and that old biological clock’s tick is deafening)
When I got pregant earlier this year, I breathed a sigh of relief that I had pulled it off before this birthday. I was already looking forward my birthday- the last one before baby came on the scene I thought. It would be the best birthday with the best birthday gift ever. But instead, I am un-pregnant and feel like I am in free-fall watching those reproductive years hurtle on by.
Ok, time to wipe those tears, and paint back on my smile and go and celebrate my birthday now…thanks for listening – I knew you’d understand x
Diary of a Miracle 
Oct 09, 2009 @ 17:23:27
I am listening and understand your pain. Sending you lots of hugs.
Oct 09, 2009 @ 17:39:28
oh thank you so much – you have no idea how much that means to me x
Oct 09, 2009 @ 20:05:16
As a fellow 40-something, I know exactly what you mean.
(((hugs)))
Oct 09, 2009 @ 21:08:36
It so hard seeing time slip away. I never use to understand why women got so hung up about birthdays, I do now.
Oct 12, 2009 @ 08:20:40
oh how desperately sad for you – i am so sorry that you are experiencing this grief in your life
Oct 12, 2009 @ 16:22:53
happy birthday – celebrate the good that’s in your life!
Oct 13, 2009 @ 09:01:21
I’m so sorry, I know how hard those supposedly happy days are. Hope you managed to do something nice during the day.
Oct 13, 2009 @ 14:10:56
like fiona, i hope you did manage to have a nice day after all
Oct 14, 2009 @ 08:11:20
belated birthday wishes to you x
Oct 14, 2009 @ 19:24:47
I did wonder how you were feeling when i sent you birthday wishes on FB, I don’t know what to say except that I know where you are coming from. I don’t know if it helps but I think we have become too conscious of having babies by the time we are 40 in this country, loads of mums are having babies in their 40s and please god, it will happen within the next year for you.
I got an email the other day from my friend who had 5 miscarriages and was 42 three days after she discovered she was preg with twins (conceived naturally, well, having been checked out thoroughly and acupuncture), she is now 14 weeks and all is well. Apparently as we get older, our bodies can release more eggs as it knows that time is starting to run out so you never know – double the trouble and double the joy 🙂
There are so many dates in the year that are tough for childless couples or those who have lost a child – birthdays, christmas, mother’s day etc.
Lots of hugs
x
Oct 18, 2009 @ 12:17:48
I love what Lorna has written to you – and am taking comfort from her words too.