When Mother’s Day Hurts

Today is Mother’s Day in the UK and Ireland, and while I am very grateful to still have my own lovely Mum on this day, I don’t get to see her, as we are in two different counties.  Walking through the local town today, there was lots of activity in the restaurants and coffee shops, as mothers were treated to lunch with a fuss being made of them. And they deserve it, and not just on Mother’s Day.

But once again, passing by the windows of these places, I felt the sharp stab of pain as I became aware of my role as looker-on. Mother’s Day is an incredibly painful time for those of us who desperately want to have children. We do feel very much “forgotten”  and relegated to the sidelines once again.

So, today I am making an appeal on behalf of all who find this day painful. Please deal compassionately with your family members and friends who are struggling with the pain of infertility on Mother’s Day. There isn’t another day so packed with pain and emptiness for a woman trying to conceive than this day set aside to celebrate motherhood. A thoughtful card, text, email or a phone call to see how the person is doing would be a kindness. I received such a kind thinking of you  message on Twitter which meant the world to me today (thank you Lily!)

Mother’s Day is not a day of celebration for anyone going through infertility. It is a day of mourning. How would you treat a person who lost their mother in the past year? Show the same consideration to a childless person trying to conceive. Understand their pain, just for this day at least.

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: Celebrating Mother’s Day « Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer
  2. Marcia Banta
    Mar 14, 2010 @ 20:00:07

    May the love of others wrap its arms around you and catch your tears.

    Reply

  3. Laura McGonigle
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:38:07

    I feel your hurt 😦

    Reply

  4. Ash_09
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:39:04

    thank you for posting this – it perfectly encapsulates how i felt on mother’s day

    Reply

  5. chrissy
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:40:17

    I found Mother’s Day very hard this year..more so than normal, as the baby I miscarried was due this weekend.

    Reply

  6. divinecarol
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:41:06

    Oh Chrissy, how awful for you..I am so sorry. I hope someone looked after you tenderly on the day.

    Reply

  7. fee
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:41:55

    You are so right! On today you are relegated to a by-stander role..again!

    Reply

  8. Rob Doyle
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:43:32

    I know it’s not normal for a bloke to write in here, but I was doing some internet searching for ways to help my wife with her grief over our recent miscarriage. I knew today would be hard for her, so I did as much as I could to pamper her and show her how special she is to me.

    Reply

  9. edel morgan
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:44:05

    Rob, you are one in a million. It would never occur to my husband to mark this day for me.

    Reply

  10. emma
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:44:35

    Well done Rob! Your wife is one lucky lady to have such a caring man.

    Reply

  11. Gabby
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:45:59

    now i don’t want to add to any husband bashing here, because really most don’t know what to say when confronted with your sadness on this day, but yes, I am impressed with Rob. Just don’t forget that most men are a little more clueless when it comes to this kind of thing, and they can’t help it.

    Reply

  12. angela
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:46:52

    Thank you for putting into words what I was feeling all day yesterday – a deep sadness and sense of loss magnified by the celebrations all around me

    Reply

  13. Shauna
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:47:20

    Great post!

    Reply

  14. evelyn
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:49:00

    This has been an eye opener to me. I have friends who have no children, and it honestly never occurred to me how painful today must be for them. Thank you for opening my eyes. I will be more sensitive and caring in the future on this day.

    Reply

  15. Jean
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:49:55

    How would you treat a person who lost their mother in the past year? Show the same consideration to a childless person trying to conceive. Understand their pain, just for this day at least.

    Very well said!!

    Reply

  16. Simon
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:51:41

    Another husband chiming in here..but one of the thoughtless ones. I didn’t get it either when my wife was quiet and withdrawn yesterday. She had to point it out to me. But in my defence, I even forgot to call my own mother on the day, until my wife reminded me. Guess i have a lot of making up to do.

    Reply

  17. Vicki B.
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:52:29

    Well done on highlighting this. It is good to see from the comments, that there is a recognition of the painfulness of this day for childless couples.

    Reply

  18. Susie
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:53:07

    You really summed up all that I was thinking and feeling on the day.

    Reply

  19. Gill
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 09:53:32

    Great post!

    Reply

  20. JBBC
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 10:15:27

    Thanks for all your comments – seems like this really hit a nerve with so many of you!

    Reply

  21. Michele
    Mar 16, 2010 @ 00:09:21

    thinking of you…

    Reply

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