Dreading today

Woke after a fitful night’s sleep at 5 and turned for comfort and sanity to my laptop. Thanks so much everyone for your support.  It means so much to me. I am really dreading today. It’s 6.30 am now and in an hour we have to drive to the hospital for the D&C. It’s the thoughts of going back to the maternity less than 24 hours later in such a different state of mind. Yesterday it was an exciting trip to see how our baby has grown and today it is just so painful and heartbreaking. I woke up thinking today they are going to take my baby away from me and then they will scrape away what’s left and just dispose of it all like day old garbage. And it just isn’t fair. And I will have to walk into the hospital and past all those pregnant women and get into a bed in a ward full of pregnant women about to give birth and I don’t know how to get through today. It is going to be such a long day – they don’t operate until the afternoon and if there are any emergency cesareans it won’t happen until tonight and that thought is unbearable too. In fact everything feels unbearable right now. I know I will get through it, but it is the getting through part that is so hard. Please keep us in your thoughts today x


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Freya
    Aug 12, 2010 @ 08:38:16

    Sorry that you have been through this. I have had the same experience 9 months ago, only difference is my doctor could not find any heartbeat at my 35th weeks of pregnancy..I can understand you very well.
    Now after 9 months, the pain is still here and always will be..
    I hope you will have enough support from your partner and your family.
    Never give up, I hope you will have your little one in your arms next time..:))
    Many hugs…


    • Luann
      Aug 12, 2010 @ 08:54:51

      Freya, what beautiful words of encouragement for Marie and Billie! Marie although I have never been through what you are going through I do believe once again your sadness will be turned into joy. I am not sure how but one day it will happen. Praying for you my dear sister today that you will be protected, comforted and feel all of our love today. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We love you! Luann


  2. Jane G
    Aug 12, 2010 @ 15:00:44

    Thinking of you today Marie. I’m here whenever you need to talk xx


  3. Kim
    Aug 13, 2010 @ 02:34:49

    Oh, my dear, I am so terrible sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. My mother heart aches for you. I was in your shoes about 17 years ago and it feels just like yesterday. The only thing that comforted me was knowing and believing that someday I will get to hold my precious child. I wish there were words of wisdom I could offer, but I have none…just an I am sorry and I am praying.


  4. Verity
    Aug 13, 2010 @ 20:57:15

    I am so very sorry to hear your news. My thoughts are with you both as I write this.
    I can only begin to understand what you must be feeling and going through right now. I miscarried 7 months ago and have just passed the anniversary of what would have been my due date this week. Whilst every period brings a constant reminder of the child we lost and yet another unsuccessful month, I have felt a strange feeling of relief this week, after my due date passed.
    I have been following your blog for some time now and haven’t wanted to share my story with anyone until now. So I guess what I wanted to say is that you have (and still are!) a huge inspiration to me, and to others no doubt.
    I hope you can find some solace in the words of your followers and know that we are all thinking of you at this incredibly difficult time.
    I’m sure that there will be a very happy ending for you and that you will get to hold and love your own child very soon. Xxx


  5. mamma bella
    Aug 13, 2010 @ 21:21:58

    Marie, so sorry to hear you are going through this, I’ve had 2 miscarriages and 2 d&c’s myself this year so I understand somewhat. Look after yourself with lots of tlc xx

    Lorraine from LC (Lilly directed me here, hope you don’t mind)


  6. Marcia Banta
    Aug 14, 2010 @ 00:26:34

    We have been traveling for two weeks and your blog was one of my first on the “catch up” list. I want so much to have the words which might bring you comfort, but I’m rather sure that right now no such words exist. I am so sorry. May the hearts of the many who care for you wrap around you and cushion the grief.


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