Wishing..and hoping..and dreaming…

And so it begins…the (almost) three-week wait..and I am not exactly renowned for my patience…

The IUI went well yesterday..not at all as stressful or difficult as I had feared, thanks to the very competent, informative and kind nurse who performed the procedure. I have always had more faith and trust in nurses than doctors and once again, this has been proved true. They are so much more approachable and empathetic. She was great at explaining what was happening step by step and she encouraged me all the way with “you are doing really well” words. I felt a little mild cramping but nothing particularly painful. It is uncomfortable but the wonderful nurse really helped me feel relaxed and in control.

DH was right beside me holding my hand and I felt like we were really doing this together. I felt we were very close and connected as we sat together -it felt surprisingly intimate, despite the sterile setting. Afterwards the nurse left the room for about 15 minutes, so we had that time to hold hands and put all our energies towards wishing the best outcome for the procedure.  I lay there feeling very emotional and doing a visualisation for conception. I felt a lot of emotions..excitement, anticipation, hope, joy, longing and gratitude for the procedure and for all the good wishes from friends..I am so grateful to those of you who may be reading this, who have shown me such great support over the past week – thank you!

After we left the clinic, we went for a drive and had some lunch in a lovely picturesque place by the sea. We stopped off at a beautiful old church and lit a candle as a symbol of hope and faith on our way home. Later that night, we did our own IUI – the natural way – so if this works, who can tell whether it will have been because of the procedure earlier in the day or our own lovemaking later that night. Not that it matters, as it really didn’t feel at all like I had feared..a clinical detached experience – I am just so grateful that science can offer hope in this way to couples who are experiencing difficulties conceiving.

And so now it begins…the wait…for either my period to come or if not, the pregnancy testing – I have to wait 18 days after the procedure before I can test. Eighteen days!!! Why, that’s almost three weeks…how will I last that long???


Wishin’ and hopin’and thinkin’ and prayin’

It’s funny the things that go on in your head during the two week wait. I am almost there…just a few more days to go before I can test for pregnancy, and the words of the old Dusty Springfield song keep going round and round in my head today…

Wishin’’ and hopin’’ and thinkin’’ and prayin’’
Planning and dreamin’ each night….

Of course, I am obsessively googling first symptoms of pregnancy…even though I know fine well what they are and that is too soon to really identify them. Those tender breasts, crampy feelings and tiredness may all be a sign that my period is on its way….but still I keep on Wishin’’ and hopin’’ and thinkin’’ and prayin’’….

The 2 week wait

hopefulSo I’ve heard a lot about the two week wait (2ww – see I’m learning) and have seen the myriad of blogs called after this time between ovulation and testing for pregnancy, and now here I am experiencing it in a more intense way than ever before. I want so desperately to have conceived this time. Sure, I have wanted it before, but since the miscarriage, I want it even more. Husband is not happy with my obsession this week, so I have had to keep it to myself. Once again I feel as if I am carrying a secret around, which is why it’s so great to be able to blog about it. He just wants me to put it to the back of my mind until the 2ww wait is over. Just forget about it until then, he says. As if I can. We’ve done all we can this month, either it’s happened or it hasn’t, there’s nothing you can do about it now, get on with something else and forget about it!

Implantation of the embro in the uterine lining happens between 6-10 days post ovulation (dpo) I am 5 days into the 14 day wait and boy have those five days seemed endless – only another 9 to go. I need to go back and read my own post on how to stop obsessing because I can’t think of anything else. I am on the look out for possible signs of pregnancy which of course mimic signs of pre menstrual tension too – what a cruel trick that is to us TTCers.  You know, the tender breasts, the crampy feelings, the tiredness, the heartburn. So far I am experiencing nothing out of the ordinary, except for one little sign – some creaminess in the cervical mucus (CM – I really am learning). I  am trying to be very hopeful and focussed on a positive outcome. I say affirmations – I am pregnant, I am pregnant, I am pregnant and  I pray to every saint I can think of.  If wishing and praying could make you pregnant, I would have have it sorted by now.

How does anyone else deal with the 2ww? If you have been trying for a long time and are all too familiar with this, do you remain hopeful each cycle? Or are you just resigned? I would love to hear how you handle it.