Father’s Day Blues

Ok, I am wallowing a little today. It’s all those families I see out and about this morning on my walk down the town to pick up some groceries. Yes!  It is Father’s Day today, in case I didn’t get the message.

Well they deserve a celebration, of course they do and I am not begruding them that. Neither am I that naive that I don’t realise it’s not all chocolates and hearts, or whatever the equivalent is for Father’s Day. If I look closely I am sure I will see the tiredness in their eyes, having been up half the night with a crying baby perhaps..but of course when you feel like this, you don’t look closely at them – you are too busy looking closely at your own sadness. You only choose what you want to see…or don’t want to see. All I see is babies, babies, everywhere. My cousin, John, who had a little girl late last year has posted new pictures of her on facebook with the caption,” looking forward to Daddy’s first Father’s Day”. Why do I get so sentimental, hurt, sad about what’s just a hallmark greeting’s day? I suppose it is because of what it symbolises.

A few weeks ago when the don’t forget father’s day signs began appearing in shops, I felt such a thrill of excitment, thinking we would have our own little quiet celebration of Father’s Day this year. I even bought a giant bar of chocolate in M&S with Happy Father’s Day emblazoned across it for my sweet-toothed husband, thinking of all the chocolate and hand-made cards I would help our little one with for Daddy in the future. I came across the over-sized chocolate bar last night when I was tidying out the cupboard where I had hidden it. Now, my husband is not even remotely sentimental, all he will see is chocolate, but it upsets me, for what it represents.

Still, why deprive him of chocolate. I will dispose of the wrapper and make some chocolately dessert for him instead today. And I will hope against hope that maybe next Father’s Day will be truly one to celebrate…..